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Remember that creepy Beetles song Revolution 9? And how when you played it backwards–which I did not because I had the White Album on CD and not a record even though I had George Michael and Lisa Lisa & the Cult Jam records–people thought it said “Turn me on, dead man” or “The Walrus is dead” or some crazy shit like that? And then Charles Manson heard that song and thought John Lennon was starting an apocalyptic race war and was shouting at Manson to “Rise!”? Well, if you didn’t know all that acid-induced nonsense, now you do, and that is why I always thought the number 9 was the scariest number in the whole world–even scarier than 666 and 69.

Trust me this is going somewhere. Ish.

Pedaling to nowhere for the past 7 weeks while my kids smack each other with naked Barbies and Thomas trains has become beyond tedious. I’ve been looking for some new things to spice up my non-running sweat sessions and Jillian and Jackie are ok, but, like, you know, whatever (yes, I am very articulate). Last week I found that 5-4-3-2-1 circuit on Pinterest and it was pretty tough and a nice change of pace. I like circuit workouts because you work multiple muscle groups, you don’t get bored, and the time flies by. When I go to the gym to lift weights I STARE at my watch, and sometimes I swear time is going backwards. I need to do it, I want to do it, but I hate to do it–if that makes sense. The total opposite of running.

A few days ago I was perusing Tweets on the Twitter and saw a circuit posted by Men’s Health Magazine. Dubbed the 9-9-9 Workout (a little political humor for those who followed Herman Cain’s ridiculously ridiculous GOP nomination run), the workout is aptly named–do 9 reps of each exercise, complete the circuit 9 times, and try to get it done in 9 minutes. From Men’s Health:

The circuit looks like this:
1. Body-Weight Squat: Do 9 reps
2. Push-up: Do 9 reps
3. Inverted Row: Do 9
4. Jumping Jacks: Do 9 reps
That’s one round. Your pace is determined by your fitness: You can rest as needed between each exercise—simply go by “feel.” Do a total of 9 rounds. Try to complete the entire workout in 9 minutes or less.
Since I don’t have the equipment to do Inverted Rows, I did bent-over rows but I made the squats Goblet Squats. I thought it sounded kinda piece of cakeish and after an easy 40 minutes on the bike (lowish resistance, highish cadence) I thought I was going to do 2 rounds of 9-9-9. I thought wrong!
Because you are essentially racing against the clock, you don’t pause between sets which really keeps your heart rate up. As soon as I finished my last squat, I would immediately drop and start doing push-ups and then jump up and grab the dumbbells for rows, et cetera. To hit the 9:00 time goal, each circuit should be 0:60 long; the closest I got was 1:03 and it took me 9:42 to complete the entire workout. I was able to do for-real push-ups for 6 of 9 circuits but modified on circuits 6, 7, and 8, which leaves me with two goals: all 81 push-ups should be the unladylike variety and to finish under 9:00. THEN maybe I will add a second round.
“If you can complete the entire routine in less than 9 minutes, we have an even bigger challenge for you. Rest for 2 minutes, and repeat the workout. Your goal: Try to finish in the same time as you did the first routine. ‘If you can do this, you’re a superstar,’ says Jack [David Jack, performance coach and director of Teamworks Fitness in Acton, Massachusetts]. ‘And it’ll be a 20-minute workout you won’t soon forget.'”
I totally want to be a superstar! And I am totally going to kick this 9-9-9 workout’s ass… eventually. Then I will be all like “9 isn’t so scary after all! 9 is a punk! We should all really be afraid of 7!” You know why.
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