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I’ve reached the “It is what it is” phase of my injury, but that doesn’t mean I won’t shed a few self-pitying tears here and there.

01/27/2012

First, I hate this new publishing format WordPress has rolled out. You can’t see it because it is on my typing end, but trust me that it is annoying to look at and use.

Second, yesterday was a shitacular day.

I was in such a horrible mood. I couldn’t believe that I couldn’t even get up to a 4.0 mph slow jog on the treadmill at work the night before. The pain in my leg was so intense, I couldn’t just run through it. I had to stop. 3 weeks out and I can’t even “power walk”? Something isn’t right. This has to be more than a strain. And that makes me pissed off at the orthopedist and PT because they get paid very, very good money. They should find out what the hell is wrong with my leg and put me on the correct course of treatment. Tapping on my hip or bending my leg to the right and left then sending me on my way is just not satisfactory and, actually, it’s downright infuriating. What if your kids teacher barely glanced at the project she spent hours on or the cook at a restaurant sent your food out half-cooked? That’s how I feel my experience with this injury, as well as my other two experiences with orthopedists, was. It’s unacceptable. And then my PT appointment for today was cancelled because “Mike will be out of the office.” So the more I limped around my house yesterday, the darker my mood got.

I tried eating chocolate ice cream for lunch and that didn’t help. I threw lots of things away (including my 50K training plan that I had proudly hung on the fridge a few weeks ago but has only been making me feel worse every time I limped by it) and that helped only a little. But I was still in a bad funk and struggled to keep the tears at bay for most of the day. I thought about not even going to my Deep Water Workout. I just wanted to go to bed and feel sorry for myself, but when 7:15 rolled around I kicked my ass out the door. I am so glad I did! The instructor really made us work last night. There was less of the frou-frou aerobic moves and a TON of aqua jogging and “real” swimming strokes. By the end of the hour my mood had lifted (mostly) and my muscles were tired and happy.

When I woke up this morning my legs were definitely feeling last night’s workout. I was still grumpy but nothing like the day before when I didn’t even want to get out of bed. MY HUSBAND is home from work today and took the kids to the grocery store so I was able to be a little lazy before hitting the bike. And now I’m enjoying a cup of coffee and blogging this here blog. Not too shabby.

I’ve realized that no matter what, I am probably going to have to change my goals for at least the first half of 2012. But that doesn’t mean I will never run again or have to give up on my dreams. I may not run my first 50K this spring but that just means the Can 50 in October will have to be my inaugural ultra. Plans change, it happens. It doesn’t mean it sucks any less, but if I don’t look forward, beyond this injury, the next few weeks or months are going to be filled with self-pity, and wallowing seems like an awful waste of time and energy.

Plus, life can’t be too bad when a product like this hits the market:Image

 

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. 01/27/2012 3:16 PM

    Disclaimer: This is the nurse in me talking.

    No one is going to advocate for your health but you. You know your body better than anyone else. The person who gets the time and attention of busy professionals in this day and age is the squeaky wheel.
    You said it yourself, “Something isn’t right here.”
    Listen to that voice.
    If your PT said that you will be running again in 2 weeks and you aren’t even close to running when that time has lapsed AND you’ve been doing the therapy, be vocal. Ask him, “What else could be going on here?” If he isn’t helpful (keep in mind that he probably wants you to stay in therapy forever), call your orthopedist. “The PT isn’t working. I’m in a lot of pain. I barely feel better than I did two weeks ago. I’ve been doing the therapy. Something else is going on here. What is the next step?” If he doesn’t listen to you, find a new doctor.
    Docs always start with the most conservative treatment. If you think it isn’t helping, push for the next level of diagnostics and treatment. No one is going to do it but you.

    I’m sorry if this sounds like a rant or crazy mother talking. But I’ve been on both sides for long enough to know how things work. I also REALLY don’t want my online friend to be hurting or sad.

    • Suzanne permalink*
      01/27/2012 7:36 PM

      Thank you! Your response is the kick in the pants I need. I don’t feel like I am ever taken seriously at doctor appointments and it’s probably bc I don’t effectively communicate. I also feel down that I play down my pain or discomfort. Every birthing class I took the nurses were like “Don’t tell us it’s a 10 if the pain is a 3 because we won’t believe you when it’s finally a 10,” so I always give pain a 4. Sounds stupid, I know. This is the second of 2 weeks coming up and if there is no change I am going to be a squeaky wheel!!

      • 01/28/2012 7:02 AM

        Pain isn’t something to downplay. It is your body talking to you. Listen to it. You wouldn’t ignore your kids when they talked to you? Okay…don’t answer that. But if they were talking to you about something very important to them you would listen and do what you could for them, right?
        Do the same thing for your body, Girl! Keep me posted.

  2. 01/27/2012 6:56 PM

    What Jill said.

    Plus, if you want to throw things out, you can always come here and help this pack rat get rid of things.

  3. Edie permalink
    01/30/2012 9:51 AM

    I’m sorry Suzanne! I completely sympathize. PT was no help and actually made things worse in my case, but I can’t get back in with the ortho either. I have to wait for the “scheduled follow up”. AKA: I am going to put you on this imaginary cancellation list so you will stop calling, but you have no chance of seeing or speaking to the doctor until your next appointment!
    Listen to your body, and be your own advocate. I wish you the best of luck getting some answers and having a quick recovery.

    • Suzanne permalink*
      01/30/2012 1:07 PM

      I go to PT this Thursday (IF he doesn’t cancel again!) and I have a follow-up ortho on the 8th. But I am leaning toward going to see a chiro. Both Sue and Alison (fellow mother runners and blog readers) have had a lot of success with ART and massage. I founda chiro near me that does trigger point massage and maybe that is the way to go. I just want to check my insurance to see what is and what isnt’ covered, and I want to give the PT the full two-weeks he predicted before I start calling him out on sucking. I hope things work out for you too! It SUCKS not having running as an outlet. Cross-training is NOT the same!!

  4. Edie permalink
    01/31/2012 2:53 PM

    I have read and heard great things about ART. I live in a rural area so the closest provider is about an hour and a half away, but if I don’t get better SOON I think I may look into that also. And no, cross-training is not the same. Good luck tomorrow. Hope he shows!

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