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I am turning into Mr. Derek Morris.

11/04/2011

So I finally got an iPhone. The Zack Morris phone is no more. You know what else is no more? EVERYTHING ELSE I USED TO DO because the iPhone is the biggest time drainer since we had Tetris in the bathroom when I was growing up.

The first thing I did this morning was play Bejeweled Blitz. That’s LITERALLY the first thing I did. I didn’t sit up, roll over, or beg. I also didn’t go running until 9:45–3 hours after I am usually getting back from my run. MY HUSBAND took Sean and Amelia out to his mom’s today and I did not take advantage of my freedom one bit. This is just Bad News Bears, and I blame Steve Jobs. Posthumously, of course.

I always think “If I had one day–just one day–without the kids I would get SO much done!” Things like:

  • Go for a super long run
  • Take a long, hot shower after my super long run
  • Shave my legs in the long hot shower after my super long run
  • Blowdry my hair–not just my bangs–after I shaved my legs in the long, hot shower after my super long run
  • Wash many loads of laundry
  • Catch up on the ironing
  • Get a very overdue and much deserved pedicure
  • Read a book
  • Take a very overdue and much deserved nap
  • Clean the bathroom
  • Go through the kids clothes and bag what they have outgrown
  • Make a kick-ass dinner for Brian that involves some sort of red meat that he enjoys to thank him for allowing me this kid-free day where infinite things were accomplished

And what did I do today? I squandered my kid-free day on the iPhone. Even when I did venture out this afternoon, I wasted time in the car playing with it. Flash forward to 6-months from now and I KNOW I will be a behemoth of a woman sitting in the Chipotle parking lot uploading pictures of my lunch to Facebook. I will have give up running and I’ll be wearing dirty sweatpants because I chose Angry Birds over the laundry. My kids will have a steady diet of cold cereal and ice cubes because who has time to cook? I won’t even recognize MY HUSBAND unless it is through the lens of FaceTime. What in the Ghost of Steve Jobs has become of me???

This might be the worst purchase MY HUSBAND has ever made, beating out these bacon, egg, and cheese toaster sandwiches he once insisted were his favorite food and vehemently defended by shouting at me “ALLOW ME THIS ONE VICE!!!” in the middle of the Tonawanda Tops.

Um... yum?

Sigh.

I, on the other hand, made some pretty sweet purchases today. First, Running Warehouse is having a special promotion in honor of their 25,000th Facebook fan. For 25-hours only, shoppers get an additional 25% off sale items. I picked up a 12 oz handheld (that also has a little pocket that can hold a key, money, or food), a pair of Pearl Izumi socks, and a pair of New Balance 860. The discount took $20 off and since Running Warehouse has free shipping, the whole order was only $75. Not too shabby considering that included a new pair of kicks. I also went to Kohl’s to get Madylin a “real” pair of running shoes. She joined the running club at school and is registered for her second 5K in December so I couldn’t exactly have her clopping around in her very beat up gym sneakers. I bought a pair of jeans–only the 2nd pair of non-maternity jeans I’ve bought in 3+ years–and a new fall bag because the 4-year-old Vera Bradley I am carrying around is an embarrassment. To top off my Day of Awesome Things I Bought, I threw a copy of the new Runner’s World in my cart at Wegmans. Now I’ll have some good readin’ while I enjoy Saranac Pale Ale tonight.

Now that I am an upstate New Yorker, I support the Adirondacks through my beer consumption.

And like I didn’t have delusions of self-importance as it is (you know, thinking you suckers wonderful people want to read the daily ramblings of a mentally unstable person on this blog), I posted every place I visited today on Facebook. This was mostly done to annoy MY HUSBAND and to prove that this iPhone business might not have been the best idea (you know, because I can be so annoying), but mostly to pretend that I am a busy, busy woman and I don’t just sit in front of my WordPress stats clicking refresh all day long.

An example of the nonsense that went on today.

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