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This just happened.

10/28/2011

Tonight Madylin had a birthday party in Pittsford, just a few miles down the block from Fleet Feet. Fleet Feet has a Friday evening Happy Hour Group Run. I bet you can all guess how quickly I shouted “I’ll drive her!” when she got the invitation and all the running stars aligned.

I need to get to the point of this post so I will just quickly sum up–smallish but friendly group, got very dark very quick so I was super glad I grabbed my reflective vest on the way out the door, and I chatted with a really nice mom runner with kids the same age as mine but I was so cold she probably thinks I have some insane facial twitches and never wants to lay eyes on me again (I wasn’t meant to have friends anyway).

Earlier today I mentioned that runners are a social inept bunch who light up like Christmas trees when talking about all the gross things running does to the human body (don’t believe me? ask any veteran runner about the Grete Waitz story–guaranteed they don’t tell you about her 9 NYC Marathon wins in 10 years). I wondered for like a millisecond if I was being too harsh on my fellow harriers. Surely they weren’t all quirky obsessive-compulsives who delight in poo stories and blackened toe nails like me? But then this happens:

Me: My neighbors want to put these on my block.
Glen (his real name): You’re going to put this on your blog?

Glen (his real name) must be hearing impaired because I didn’t even mention RFDFD. We were talking about the speed bumps in the road that the Town of Brighton DPW calls SPEED HUMPS on their big yellow road signs (SPEED HUMPS is how I affectionately refer to my wedding night, by the by). It was pretty boring even by my low standards so, no, I was not going to replay this conversation for you, loyal blog reader. But then this happens:

Me: I couldn’t even imagine putting on a wetsuit. They’re so tight.
Glen (his real name): That’s why you use Body Glide. You know what that is, right? Men use it on their nipples (makes exaggerated nipples gesture).
Me: Oh, I know.
Glen: My first half marathon I didn’t put Body Glide on my nipples and they were screaming by the time I finished.
Me: Oh, I bet.
Glen: I went right to the med tent and put ice on them. It was crazy.
Me: Oh, I can imagine.
Glen: Yeah, men have to be really careful. If your nipples chafe, ugh! It can hurt like crazy! You don’t want that to happen! Gotta use that Body Glide. Save you every time!

Glen (his real name) was so happy to talk about his nipples and all I could think was “Please oh please oh please memorize this conversation the very best that you can so you can put this on your blog!!!”

I was right all along–runners are a big fat group of freaks! And I love them. I fit in with them. I tell you who I do not fit in with–all of Mady’s classmates’ moms who were all fancified to pick their kids up from the birthday party. They were wearing nice clothes and had shiny hair and perfect make-up and no one was talking about bleeding nipples… and then there was me. In sweaty UA clothes and a gigantic GPS watch. I wanted to run back to Fleet Feet and curl up under the water cooler and never come out. At least I had the good common sense to leave my reflective vest in the car.

"Mommy, why did the crossing guard come to my birthday party?"

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. 10/28/2011 10:36 PM

    I love hearing about strange men’s nipples.

  2. Danielle Whipple Marvel permalink
    10/28/2011 10:52 PM

    Great blog!!! Very funny! Hey, maybe one of those Moms ran in the AM… just saying you might still find a runner Mom in that group :)

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